Ozzie Fitch: Chapter 11
Head held high as I walk back, swinging free. Old Oz, what a wiz. Pluck a Skip from the ditch-water and watch them fly.
Catch Leon on the way. Walking like a boss, running like. Thinks he’s got somewhere to be, but doesn’t know Ozzie’s news. Going to flip, I think. Like over heels.
“Oz,” he shouts at me, like I haven’t seen him. The nut, he’s walking right at me. “Oz, come on!”
Me, I don’t know what he’s talking about. Come on where? Going somewhere? Planned for something? Never remember anything about Leon and me.
Sometimes the sizzle, it pushes things out. Not a hard push, little slip out the back. Suddenly not where you thought you were. Me, I don’t remember, so I be nice. “Where?” I ask.
“Library,” Leon says, like it’s the most natural thing. “Come on, we go to the library!”
Hundred truth, I don’t remember telling Leon I’ll go with him anywhere, never mind library. Haven’t gone in weeks. No reason, natch. Got my Darling Darla, no chant in books. Why go to the library?
Good place to sizzle quiet, sure. Got a fox in my pocket, might we worth it.
Darla out for the day. Gone browsing. She calls it browsing. At the mall. Me, I got nothing better to do. Was going to sit somewhere and lick the fox in my pocket, or maybe not, just sit and smoke a stick out the fire-escape, breathe in the Upper West. Wait there until Cindy or someone asked me what was up. Then I’d say ’nothing,’ with a little smile so they knew it was something. Then they’d ask and I’d tell them. I’d tell them I’d found a new kid for the circle. Great stuff, I’d say. Knew how to fold, didn’t know a thing about circles. Old Ozzie, the wiz, opened wide and got a place for them. Fix the garbage some ‘friend’ shoved in their head. Some friend. A real pal.
“Come on,” Leon said. Like he didn’t care. Waves at me as he walks past, turning half so looking both ahead and behind. “Come on, the library!”
“No chant in books,” I remind him. But I follow all the same. Maybe I lick the fox in the library. Maybe sneak a stick in the stacks, all secret like.
Get to the library, head to the stacks. Dusty as ever, specks and flashes dancing in the light. Why Leon ever want to come back? Nothing good ever happen in a library. Head to the back, like he knows where he’s going. Not where he’s been before, not like the magic books. No, he walks right past, not even looking. Odd.
Even walking different, I see now. Something in his step. Not like waiting. No patience. Wants to be somewhere fast, like something waiting for him. He wants it bad.
In the back of the library, another black guy standing by a table. Looking at his watch, like busy. Not moving, still tapping his foot. Impatient. Binny walks up to the guy, does a thing with his hands. Guy does the same. Like handshake, right? Only I can’t see it. Something secret, I think. Not for Old Oz. Then why Leon bring me? The two sit down, start talking. Me, I stand. Other guy, he doesn’t even look at me.
I’m no racist, but what were they doing? Why Leon want to talk with another black guy? Why he can’t talk with me? What’s this guy doing for him? Meeting in a library, all conspiracy like. Whispering so I can’t hear.
Know it then. Don’t know how, but know it. Leon looking for a seventh, just like Cindy. Just like me. Looking to bring another black guy into the circle. Going to turn and ask me, any moment, what I think. Going to ask me to back him. Like Cindy, ask me to say he’s all good.
Finger the fox in my pocket. Want to sizzle my brain, chant, nothing else matters. Got all I need. What’s this guy bring? Got all I need.
This guy, dressed in short pants and loose top, talking with Leon. What’s he doing? Couldn’t hear their conversation, but Leon, he laughs. The nut laughs, quiet like. Hiding. They even look alike. Could be brothers. Leon wanting family in the circle?
Didn’t even know if the guy chanted. Could be old family. Could be nothing. I let go of the fox, and cross my arms. They talk a long time, but me, I can’t hear. I don’t listen. Not polite.
Finally, they do the hand thing again. Me, I’m tired. They stand up, the guy walks away, Leon walks to me.
“Well?”
I shrug. What does he want me to say? Like I know anything?
“Yeah,” he nods. “Yeah, me to.”
I get it then. See, Ozzie not always the quickest. Smart, sure, but not always quick. See, it takes one thing, and I realize Leon, he moonlighting. Never thought he would, but he chanting with other circles too. Nothing wrong with that, really. Everyone does it once or twice. And Leon, he chanting with black folk too. Nothing wrong with that.
Bringing one of his other fellows into Binny’s circle, natch. Makes sense. Don’t blame him. Nothing wrong with it.
Only I think, Binny, he doesn’t like Leon. Leon, he cares. Thirsty like. Needs things he doesn’t need, wants things he doesn’t want. This guy, I don’t know. If Leon wants him, makes me nervous, right? Like what this guy have that we don’t? Whats he bring? We got plenty of pain, we see the circle, only this guy, guy I never seen before, Leon thinks he bring something. Something we missing. Like what? Now I’m thinking Leon thinking we missing something important. Only I know we aren’t.
The New Kid, they’re better than this guy. Leon’d know that, if he asked.
Binny called Leon dangerous once.
Hundred truth, called the nut dangerous. From out his cloud of smoke, a proclamation like from on high. Mountain top.
“He’s a nut,” I said. Paula laughed. This was before Darla.
“He’s thirsty,” Binny said.
“Everyone gets thirsty,” Paula traced my ear with her finger. Licked it. Ribber giggled and stared. Paula liked being looked at.
“Dark magic.” Binny blew a plume.
Heard of dark magic before, before I met Binny. Never knew what it was. What’s a dark chant? No such thing. Chant isn’t light or dark. Just is. Binny made sure of it.
Opened his mouth, said his piece: “The chant is a flowing river. Downward slope. You chant with, you slide easy down the stream. You let it happen, because it happens with or without you. You settle back and watch. You chant against, you swim against the current. You climb the hill. To push and strive against the way. Against the chant. You need, you get what you need. You want, you don’t chant for want. That’s dark magic. You bring others down so you can climb over them. You want not for yourself, but only for yourself. That’s thirsty. You drink the well dry, and there’s nothing else for anyone. The desert oasis is gone. That’s what happens when you care.”
“What’s wrong with caring?” Paula asked. This was before Darla. “You want to help someone, you think something important, why not care about it?”
“It’s the way,” Binny closed his eyes, like he did when he was done. “Caring make you want to fix. Caring make you want to plan. Caring make grids and cogs of us all. Chant give you everything you need. That’s real magic.”
Me, I just laughed. Sure, Leon was a nut, but he wasn’t dangerous. Not Leon. No, I didn’t believe that. No no no.