The Watch in the Sand: Part 3

February 15, 2015

Facebook successfully acquires Twitter in the largest tech merger in world history. Before the end of the business day, the number of Facebook accounts passes the two-billion mark. Researchers guess that of the two billion accounts, only 1.2 billion users actually exist. The rest are duplicates, dummy accounts, or inactive.

April 6, 2015

The Jericho Hack strikes the Internet. Two million people find their names, addresses, family trees, place of work, salaries, blood type, allergies, favorite foods, medical histories, and sexual preferences posted to the Internet. Tightened security from hacking is demanded from a panicking public.

April 10, 2015

The perpetrator of the Jericho Hack releases his methodology and reveals all the information was publicly available on the Internet, oftentimes posted by the individual. Several Internet Security bills in congress are quietly shelved, while a public service campaign focusing on Personal Privacy is developed. Detractors call the campaign “Keep Quiet and Carry On” propaganda.

July 21, 2016

Nanocule Inc., a private research firm, releases information regarding Inert Adaptive Nanomachines, or IANs, and their functions. These cell-like structures are designed to react to specific frequencies of light. Once a solution containing IANs is measured and ingested, a carefully programmed laser pen is pressed to the patient’s veins, causing the IANs to reform themselves into the desired chemical compounds. Alternately, the solution can be scanned outside the body, and the resulting chemical is then ready for injection or processing into pill form. This information is published in all major medical bulletins and science journals. The chemical makeup of the environment and specifications of the Chamber are kept proprietary, as are the exact frequencies and intensities of the laser.

October 9, 2016

The US IAN Public Safety Report is released to the public. This congressional report concludes an exhaustive study of the properties of IANs by medical experts. 58% of the medical profession agree with the reports findings, that IANs are benign and revolutionary for the industry. 34% vehemently disagree.

September 17, 2017

Public funding in the United States is allocated in the congressional budget for a country-wide wireless internet system. Dubbed “the Line,” this network functions at high speeds with all forms of networkable devices, including computers, smartphones, and tablets. Access to the Line is sold through all major telecom companies. Construction and activation of “the Line” is scheduled to be completed in five years.

November 10, 2017

The YourBoard program is released in beta. YourBoard is a free online program that allows you to design your own private web-page, or ‘Board,’ with remarkable ease. Little to no former programming knowledge is required. The Boards are linked together in their code, making linking to other Boards, following their content, or searching for information remarkably easy, fast, and secure. Due to its devotion to privacy, depth of customization, and appeal to both businesses and individuals, the Boards are dubbed ’the Facebook killer’ by the news media.

4:53 am, January 1, 2018

“I swear to god,” Mitch shook his head as he exhaled into the night air, smoke spewing out from his lips like gas from a valve. “They’re already up to ninety percent accuracy a week out. Do you know what that means? They’ve got some algorithm that can predict exactly where you’ll be a week in the future. And that means they can probably guess what you’re doing. All from stuff you and your friends post online. I tell you, Kelly, the future is now.”

“Well, then happy New Year, Mr. Mitch Hunter,” Kelly raised her half-empty plastic champagne flute in a wobbly salute. Mitch giggled, swallowing his own, and toasted with the empty glass.

“And to you as well, Mrs. Kelly Horn. May you never have to outsource us.” He laughed as Kelly snorted into her almost-full glass, spraying depressingly cheap alcohol all over her.

“Great…” she tried to look upset “Now my dress is fucking ruined. Fitting, I suppose.”

“Now come on, boss,” Mitch pulled a stack of napkins from the nearby table and began to dab at her timidly before she snatched them away. “We’re not ruined. We’ve just had a hard quarter. That’s all.” He turned back to the beautiful view.

They were finishing the dregs of the New Years Eve party Kelly had thrown at her apartment for everyone she knew — which naturally was composed almost entirely of her employees. Unsurprisingly, most of her guests had left early, claiming headaches, fatigue, or other parties they had to make appearances at. By half past eleven, only the core group of five remained. They had all worked in marketing together for seven years, and were close friends. After everyone else had left, the ‘Five Marketeers’ spent the next three hours getting drunker and louder, reminiscing, complaining, observing, and smoking.

The other three had left half an hour ago. Now it was just Kelly and Mitch on her balcony, and as the night wore on, they started smoking other things. Now they sat, enjoying the unseasonably warm air, the view, the alcohol, the weed, and the company. Kelly took a drag on the last remaining joint, and passed it to Mitch, who accepted gladly. She felt her brain slowly fill with glistening snow.

“It hasn’t just been a bad quarter, Mitch, and you know it,” she exhaled slowly, releasing the snow back into the air. “The company’s got maybe… three more years of profitability, and then the whole industry is in the tank. Everyone’s just got to wake up to what the internet can actually do.”

“Oh?” Mitch poured the last of the bottle into their glasses, and burped. “And what, pray tell, oh wise one, can the internet actually do? Besides predict where you are going to be, with — need I remind you — ninety percent accuracy, a full week —”

“Oh stop it!” Kelly leaned forward, taking the joint and champagne from Mitch’s offering hands. She spoke carefully, her mouth over-exaggerating each word. “Connect people. And yeah, I know Social Media and shit — but that’s not even half of it. How did you get the Michaelson’s account?”

Mitch blinked at the sudden change of subject. He shrugged, waving a hand aimlessly.

“I gave a good pitch, is all. I mean, I knew their marketing director from college, and he asked me to come in and speak with their marketing department. I got it the same way I did all my other accounts.”

“No,” Kelly leaned over, lowering her voice, conspiratorially. “No, it’s not at all the same. Completely different. That time you knew the boss. That’s how sales are going to be made in the next three years. You know the guy, and he knows you.”

“Yeah, well… That’s not new,” Mitch shook his head, sipping at his glass. Kelly shifted back, her head rolling hazily around her shoulders.

“I know it’s not new, I mean that’s all it’s going to be — there won’t be any need for ad spots, and it’ll all be online. How many followers do you have on your Board?”

“Jesus, Kelly,” Mitch rolled his eyes with a giggle. “Do I need to get you some Ritalin? Pick a topic, will you?”

“I’m telling you!” Kelly slapped him playfully on the arm, sending the joint spinning out of her hand and off the edge of the balcony. Both of them gasped in sincere despair before completely dissolving into helpless laughter. Finally the laughter became panting for breath, interspersed with high-pitched giggles.

“God, I’m so fucking drunk,” Kelly groaned, rolling her eyes in her head. “Don’t tell anyone at work tomorrow, okay? I mean… Not tomorrow… I mean…”

“Hey now, I’m just as fucking drunk as you,” Mitch poked the air clumsily with his hand. “Don’t you be hogging all the credit. God… I need some water or tomorrow morning is going to suck balls…”

“What was I saying?” Kelly rubbed her eyes. It was so nice outside tonight — she felt so warm.

Mitch coughed after a moment. “Suck hairy dog-balls through a straw… what? Oh, something about social media?” he prompted, staring at his empty glass. Kelly slapped her leg.

“Yes! Your Board. How many followers do you have?”

“A few hundred,” Mitch shrugged. “I think I broke nine hundred a couple days ago. Why?”

“Because those are customers,” Kelly pointed a finger squarely between Mitch’s eyes, giggling as they slowly crossed in order to focus. “It’s this new generation of kids — they post everything they can think of. Yelp was the beginning. Soon, it’s just going to be posts. I’m serious! Everyone is going to have access to the internet in a way they never did before. Once everyone is on this new Line they’re building, all you’ll need to do is search for a company name, and you’ll see five thousand testic… tessi…” she sighed. “test-i-mon-i-als. Five thousand. You can follow the CEO, and if they post something you like, give them a Plus. Seriously. I can name thirteen companies that have already abandoned their webpages. In two years, tops, no company in the world will have their own marketing department anymore.”

“What?” Mitch raised his eyebrows in surprise. Kelly nodded.

“Yup,” she said. “Why bother? Every customer will post their opinion, and that’s your marketing right there. Yelp, Amazon reviews, ripoffreport.com… everything will merge into the Boards, or even Facebook or whatever. Twenty thousand of the twenty-one thousand customers you had last week loved your store. What more do you need?”

“You think they’ll trash their marketing budgets?” Mitch sounded skeptical. “Kel, the internet has been around for a long time, you don’t think this would have happened by now, if it was ever going to?”

“Ha!” Kelly grinned. “The first generation who grew up with the internet is about to have kids! Have you ever heard of Dvorak?” Mitch shook his head, returning the grin. “Shut up, I know — stick with me anyway. Dvorak is a new keyboard invented… I don’t know, thirties? A century ago.”

“A new keyboard?” Mitch shrugged in confusion.

Kelly held her hands in front of her face like she was holding a picture frame. “Yeah — no, not a new keyboard, a new… structure. A new format. The letters are in different places. Some scientist looked at our keyboards and said they were stupidly designed. Common letters require extending the fingers, common letter combinations need you to jump from the bottom row to the top row… it takes a lot of energy to type, you know.”

“I thought they had to be that way.”

“Yeah, they did when we had typewriters, because the keys would get stuck. When was the last time your phone got stuck?” Mitch nodded, conceding the point. Kelly flicked her hair behind her ear and closed her eyes as the drink and weed pushed her deeper into her chair. “So there’s this design, the Dvorak keyboard, and it was invented years ago, and no one used it. Do you know why? Habit. That’s it. It’s the only reason society hasn’t evolved as fast as our technology. They won’t trash their marketing department; they’ll throw good money after bad for a whole generation or two unless someone lights a fire under their butts.”

“You are a very talkative drunk,” Mitch giggled. Kelly slapped him again. “So you think in the next few years we’re going to be selling… what, professional Social Network Friends?”

“Seriously!” she exclaimed, setting her glass down, and then shook her head. “Well, no, I don’t think professional will be possible — it’s getting harder and harder to hide marketing shills. Everyone’s sharing so much, no one trusts private people — especially when they seem to always talk about how great that one company is. Give it one year. Marketing in one year is going to be exactly the same as you talking to your friend about this great book you read. Word of mouth will be the only marketing strategy worth a damn, and I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to start again.”

The still silence of the early morning air settled over them like a blanket. The high was slowly wearing off as the faint deep dark-blue glow of dawn began to very slowly flood the sky, crowding out the deep velvet of the New Years Eve party. Mitch rubbed his forehead. “Start again?” he said, carefully. “What do you mean?”

“I mean get ahead of the curve,” Kelly tipped her glass into her mouth before she remembered it was empty. “Close our doors and start a new firm. You interested?” Mitch desperately fought through the numbing fog of the champagne and weed, shifting so he could look Kelly in the face.

“You mean a new Marketing firm?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

“No,” She rolled her hand, grabbing for words from the air “more of a… I guess a consulting firm. Help companies restructure themselves to be ready for this new paradigm. Teach them how to handle real grass-roots ad campaigns, and hell, just social media in general. My god, you remember when there was that fracas about bosses asking potential hires for their passwords? They need someone to tell them exactly what this new social world means, and how to handle it. They don’t know how to handle this new world — they didn’t grow up in it. What do you say? You, me, and any of the others who want to join us. We five started this company and made it great, we could do it again.” She hit the arm of her chair for emphasis. Mitch bit his lip.

“I don’t know, it’s betting a lot on something you don’t know is going to happen.”

“You chicken?” she smirked.

“No,” Mitch felt a slow grin spread across his face “I’m just wondering why we can’t restructure the company we have already. We’ve already got several…”

“Oh god,” Kelly rolled her eyes. “I’m not writing the mission statement now, Mitch… I’m drunk!”