Shortstories

His other slight peculiarity was the habit when distracted by thought of taking up improbable positions on furniture. ~ Bill Bryson, on Charles Lyle

My Dearest Lulu,

I have met the most fascinating man, today. His name is Finnigan, and he has been assured to me of a most particularly voluminous mind. Professor Lindly — remember him, my dear? He of the flowing hair? — introduced me to Mr. Finnigan as a student of philosophy, geology, chemistry, and physics. He seems a most genial fellow, though Lindly seemed to find him eccentric. I look forward to many great and wonderful conversations with him in the future.

I am glad to hear that your brother is feeling better. Having once received a fairly serious burn on my arm from a particularly exothermic reaction, I can imagine what it must be like to loose the use of ones limb. Please extend my sympathies to him.

Dr. Prinassus

Playing this season on Broadway, MacB! is the recent musical adaptation of Shakespeare’s seminal hit, Macbeth. Directed by proud up and coming director Joe Vanderhook, MacB! puts the full force of the best of New York’s artistic talent along side the best of classic British theatre.

The play opens with a prologue featuring the talented Elizabeth Kaine, Claire Rogan, and Kelly Fontaine as the red, blond, and black haired ‘Wyrd Sisters,’ the scantily clad mystical chorus that frames the entire play. Their opening song, ‘Double Double, (Toil and Trouble)’ sets the tone with an incredible display of pyrotechnics and a laser show that is used to supplement the finely crafted set with images of far off castles, smokey clouds, and spectral images that help accent the horror that the rest of the show promises to deliver. The song is well-crafted and danced impeccably with the frantic spasms of the performers providing a true sense of otherworldly possession, while the sharp and almost painful lyrics screamed by these three actresses betrayed their devotion to these complex and intricate characters. The completion of the first song alone caused a standing ovation that lasted over five minutes, sadly forcing the three women to hold their complex final pose no doubt far longer than they expected, but they maintained their stance with a professionalism and aplomb that is to be commended, if not celebrated.

I might be dead / but I will overcome ~ TJ Stafford, Rise Again

Congratulations! You are dead!

As a courtesy for our customers, every purchase of a Lupton & Sons economy casket includes this notice carved into the lid of the coffin for the recently deceased. This notice was provided free of charge as a complimentary service, to better prepare you for what is to come.

Many people have walked into our mortuary and asked if this life was all that there is. Does not some other life await us? We at Lupton & Sons believe wholeheartedly that your death, untimely or otherwise, need not be the end of your life!

This story was made using the solo RPG Monster Hunter, by La esquina del rol. Based on the Firelights system, this pamphlet RPG is about the Borderlands, and the last Monster Hunter who has the Scattergun of Destiny. They must find the Six Legendary Bullets to banish The Evil One and restore the Borderlands. The following is a list of the card-draws, rolls, and actions taken during play that resulted in the transcribed narrative:

The dragon’s rotten lips parted, a fetid cloud of swamp gas leaking from the beast’s depths. “So,” the monster spoke, “you’ve come to kill me, haven’t you?”

Vic opened her mouth in shock before she could collect her wits. “I’m here for the bullet,” she said at last, reaching out a hand to steady herself against a tree.

“Yes, then,” the dragon slowly uncoiled, its head snaking forward. “Well, I’m not interested in fighting today, so I suppose I’ll just let you have it.”

“What?” Vic could scarcely believe it. Was the dragon being honest? She certainly wasn’t feeling up for a fight, much less with a dragon and without her rifle. Would it really be that easy?

The dragon hissed, sending a spray of burning liquid over Vic’s face. “You heard me. I’m going to give you one of the six legendary bullets. You can pluck it straight from my forehead and I won’t even eat you for your trouble. How does that sound?”

The way was dark and cold. A rusted lantern with a small slosh of ancient oil provided enough light to see by and not much else. The sound of dripping water echoed through the depths. The darkness was unyielding, drawing Vic further and further away from the light. She had never ventured into the caves and abandoned mines of the Borderlands; the monsters that roamed the land above were bad enough, and there was little of worth in the dark underground. It was all Vic could do to not shiver.

The passages twisted and wound across each other like writhing snakes. Were it not for Vic’s compass, she would have been completely lost.

No, not completely. Every once in a while, the pull of the fifth bullet dragged at her stomach, tugging her down this tunnel or that. She was hunting on instinct now, navigating the maze of tunnels with little more than hope spurring her on.

At long last, a faint glimmer of natural light shone through the darkness. She crept forward, ducking through the small passage until she reached a large fissure in the rock, stretching up to the surface and down deeper into the earth.

The lake water looked cold, but the singer payed it no mind.

The rising sun was slowly warming the nighttime air, the first piercing rays striking the singer full in the face, but it paid no mind to the sun either. It’s eyes had long since rotted away to a shrivled milky white. Loose teeth rattled in its skull as its head fell from side to side, a sound that was half a moan and half a hymn drifting across the gently rippling lake.

Whoever they were, they died years ago. Now, all they were was a fountain of suffering that drew the living and trapped them in their own nightmares. There were ten of them, at least. They rocked back and forth, their eyes squeezed tight, their faces frozen masks of pain, fear, and despair.

Vic rubbed her mouth as she studied the scene from her hiding spot. It would be hard to get everyone away from the monster without being seen, but the walking dead were harder to kill than most. Besides, she was running low on supplies and still had to get the ten people back home.

Humans didn’t last long in the Borderlands. The air was bad, it made you sick. Monsters hunted silently, and claimed their pray with sudden and clear fierceness. The few who survived for any length of time, did so because of either extensive training or a guide who had the same, and they rarely stayed longer than a week before returning to the safety of civilization.

Vic opened her pack and pulled out the last of her herbs. Surely, she had to have something useful that could keep the weathered zombie busy while she fled with its captives.

“Ah!” The sands settled for only a moment. “Brave and bold! There is little you could offer us, child. We who flit through the air know all things that the air touches. We hear all things whispered and see all things seen.”

Vic smiled. Her mother had called it a curse; the elementals had great power but cared for nothing. All the secrets they knew, and they didn’t want for any of them. “Then you know where the legendary bullets lie?”

“Hmm…” The air seemed to think, though it had no mind to think with. “We know of one. I lies buried deep in this very desert.”

Vic’s heart skipped a beat. “Can you tell me where? Show me where it’s buried?”

The airy sprite swung back and forth, a windy kind of childish smile. “Why should we do that?”

Vic took a slow breath. She had never dealt with an elemental directly before, but she had listed to plenty of her elders describe their own dealings. She had come prepared.

“I’ll race you.”

Vic checked the map. “Shit.”

The southern wetlands were not the best mapped areas in the Borderlands. The marshes and soggy soil kept most people away, and there were plenty of monsters who hunted and scavenged in the land. Fewer places were less hospitable; it was too easy to lose your way only to find yourself drawn down to a watery grave by a misplaced foot. Add to this the fact that the wetlands were more likely than others to shift and change, and maps were difficult to make and rarely useful for any length of time.

Ironically, there were many reasons for Hunters to visit the wetlands; herbs of all kinds grew here, special ingredients of an arcane nature. Roots and barks, fresh leaves and buds from flowers, even certain kinds of mud were useful. It took a keen eye and a sharp mind to harvest the rarest, and a few were known only to the Monster Hunters. The chance of collecting these herbs alone was reason enough to risk a muddy grave.

Of course, there used to be people whose job it was to forage for the vital and rare ingredients, people who knew the land and its treacheries. Now, there was only Vic, and she was having a hard time of it.

Vic’s arm swung before she realized what she was doing. The silver blade dug deep into the side of the dry-one’s skull, peeling the parchment-like skin off the bone.

The dry-one shrieked, stepping backwards as the clawed hands flailed at Vic’s skin. She yanked the dagger free, ducking under the clawing limbs as she drove the knife towards the monster’s chest.

The corpse lurched aside again, the silver knife gouging a chunk out of its chest. Dry cloth and thin leather flapped around Vic’s ears and face as the glowing blue flames licked her face.

“Victoria, it must be you. I wish I could say it was a pleasure.”

Vic shoved the corpse hard, pushing herself away from the teeth and claws. She rolled back on the ground before coming up into a crouch, knife at the ready. Her heart was beating like mad, her conscious mind was in a panic. How could he be here?